i'm not afraid; i'm moving on

What's on my mind:

" Everybody wants to go to heaven
But nobody wants to die "

Freaks Of All Kind

OhMyGod!
I miss blogging.Haha.I've missed lots of things, since I've been away at camp.Yet, I want to say that camp was real awesome.Even awesomer, is my class! Woots.Yeah, we were damn hyper and noisy all throughout camp.Even when we were all tired and returning back to Singapore, we didn't fail to extrude hyperness.lol.
Yesterday, met up with the debate team at the library to discuss about the upcoming event for all Indian Makkals.Heh.We were supposed to talk strictly only about the debate for two solid hours.I even, set an alarm for it.Unfortunately, we are teenagers.We tend to break rules/resolutions.We ended up crapping about lots of things.Vaithesh had brought his guitar along.So he taught Syafiqah and Rohini how to play 'Enn Innaiye Pon Neelaavey...'
Both of them when GAGA! lol.Me? Well, I'm not much of a guitar person.I'm ahem ahem sorta different.I, on the other hand, was busy writing the lyrics to Adiyae Kolluthey.
(And yes Syafiqah, he is my rock song)
Ahhh, damn high now.Mmmm, lol.
Then last night, my little cousins came over.While my sister played with them, I chatted with my aunt for three hours straight.We had lots of catching up to do, you see.Hehs.I'm feeling so damn crazy right now that the calamity in my house is of no help whatsoever.
I'm so freaking excited to get to school tomorrow.Even though, there's going to be a Maths Test and the whole stress of homework.lol.Cuz I love my class.You hear me?
I love my freaks of all kinds, always hyper and so damn noisy, darn supporting class!
3P Rocks!

Awhoo!!

Sunday, 31 January 2010,18:05 | comment | 0 comment(s)

woots

Tomorrow is packed with so many happenings.
Firstly, there's Common Test in the morning, then the usual hubbub of lessons.I've got to rush to Aries to get some last minute stuff.I'll have to find someone who'd be willing to accompany me.lol.After that, try to complete as much of homework I can before getting ready.And then, it is off to the Esplanade.For the Limelight Concert.

Nausea and excitement is mixed like cake batter in me.Haiz.Anyways, I just hope and believe we'll have a good time.

I haven't had the chance to talk to Bro much.Argh.

And I'm flowing with poems these days, it kills if I don't write it fast enough.God.

I passed th maths quiz without reading the notes ;)

Sunday, 24 January 2010,20:51 | comment | 0 comment(s)

No Regrets

Sometimes I wished I'd done things some other way, ways other than the one I did.

Just like yesterday.I wished I had listened to Divya.Or had gone back home along with Syafiqah and Rashidha.But I didn't.And I can't change what happened.It's part of my past and in me attached a very hard lesson.So I'm typing away here, with no regrets.None, whatsoever :)

Dialogue from Fanaa:

"Like thunder before the storm
Like the earth after the first rain
Like a prince in a beggar's clothes"
The girl is describing the guy's voice, smell and skin.She's blind.It was a beautiful scene.
Anyways, this weekend is just going to be me and my homework.God.So many many.lol.However, anticipation is building up for Monday's Limelight Concert.Not for reasons you might think.Only.But also, cuz I've never been to the Esplanade -.-'
I'm very very bored, today.
So anyone out there, who's sharing the same feelings, do msg/call me, k?

i'm a fighter, who makes her peace with God;

Saturday, 23 January 2010,16:19 | comment | 0 comment(s)

Smile For Me

It's been a while since I blogged.Lack of time mood.
Anyways, since today is E-Learning day, slept till around 10 plus.I woke and stared at the screen as I read all the things that were supposed to be completed.Instead of working on them, I went shopping with Mum at IMM.I bought a new outfit at Esprit.For a special occasion.Shhh, kan.lol.Then, went to fetch sister.We had lunch at the coffee shop.Lamb Chop's still the best.
Just completed the assignments online.Now I'm going to take a shower and start on my other homework.There's Maths, MT, English, Physics and Chemistry.It won't take me that long.But I'm guessing that I'll only be sleeping near midnight.However I don't mind :)
Complicated-Avril Lavigne
Chill out whatcha yelling' for? ;
Lay back it's all been done before;
And if you could only let it be you will see like you the way you are;
When we're drivin' in your car and you're talking to me one on one;
but you've become;
Somebody else round everyone else;
You're watching your back like you can't relax;
You're tryin' to be cool you look like a fool to me;
Tell me;
Why you have to go and make things so complicated?;
I see the way you're acting like you're somebody else gets me frustrated;
Life's like this you;
And you fall and you crawl and you break and you take what you get and you turn it into; honesty and promise me I'm never gonna find you fake it;
This song, I haven't heard in a long while.But the lyrics are running through my mind like a broken record.It makes sense, and it seems to be happening right before my eyes.

Contagious-Avril Lavigne

So I walk out in silence;
That's when i start to realize;
What you bring to my life;

Damn this guy can make me smile;

Even though I miss the old Avril, this one is a personal favourite.lol.I think Divya knows why.Things have been way off balance recently, as always.But music and some people help keep me grounded.So everytime I listen to this song, I know I have at least one reason to smile.

I wish we were kids and enjoyed each other for the company

and hadn't grown up to make everything complicated;

Thursday, 21 January 2010,19:14 | comment | 0 comment(s)

Untitled

I'm disappointed.
More with myself than in you.
I honestly believed in you.
Believed that it was you.

I'm getting what I want; I'll stay happy that way.

You got yourself a song in my iPod.

I'm sorry to disappoint,

I'm not what I used to be,

Never going to please everyone

I've learnt my lessons

Now I'll live my life

Saturday, 16 January 2010,21:35 | comment | 0 comment(s)

I love thy

I look past all flaws and love you for all that you are.
Yet you still doubt if I'm on your side.
Your confidence in me, is insulting.

Wednesday, 13 January 2010,20:37 | comment | 0 comment(s)

Simple Pleasures

I deleted the previous post; Sorry Rosma&&Divya.Mum's orders.
Anyways, today was a relatively better day.Depending on how you look at it.Of course, I'll never fail to surprise you to all kinds of odd things.However I'd like to skip all the unfun parts and just focus on my happiness.
First period was Geography, but since Mrs A didn't show up, we had free period.Divya and Shafiq robbed me of my iPod.Crappy people.lol.History was awesome too.We did role play and I represented Serbia in WW1.Very very fun.Recess was uber, ninety-niness.Haha.
We did A Maths and I did understand.Physics was confusing but lucky we have an extra period tomorrow in which I can clear my doubts.MT was sorta like free period.But I swear, us Indian makkals, were super horny.Haha.Yes, I played a huge part in it.lol.
Me having to be at three places at once caused my short moodiness.But it flew away soon.Chemistry; we did more self study I guess.O level results are out and I'm so proud of my school.Hopefully, my batch will do just as good if not better.

Divya, Rosma, Shafiq and I lepak at the void deck near 411.lol.First time you know.We crapped mostly.However it was a nice feeling.

I'm looking at the brighter side of life, and I see it quite clearly.

Family;

Studies;

CCA;

Self-Improvement;

Those who love me;

Music;

Books;

99, for now;

sImPLe pLeAsuReS...

Labels: Happiness

Monday, 11 January 2010,19:28 | comment | 0 comment(s)

Being Selfish Is A Virtue Too;

I'm liking this year, more and more.Odd, actually.Since most people don't like their classes and blah blah.I'm not being mean.Okay, think of me that way, I don't give a damn anyway.But can everyone just deal with it.Life is unfair, deal with it.You can't change the arrangement anymore, so change your views.I'm kinda annoyed with the constant complainings.It's getting sorta old.We're fifteen.Grow up.
I love every one of my teachers.They are not only nice.They are very very funny.I'm serious.My english teacher asks a question and answers it herself, with sarcasm.I just so enjoy the way she talks.And my math teacher is awesome too.People saying I got quite good teachers.To which I'm hugely grateful.Thank you, God :)
Divya didn't attend class at all.Argh.
But tomorrow, she's going to be with us like normal.We're about together for every class, except Geography.Since she didn't come, I'm sitting with Rosma baby for the rest of the term, I guess.Kausalya's been real nice.She got me a seashell with my name engraved from India.
Real nice; seeing as I have never given her anything.
I'll admit I'm extremely tired.And very pressured.There's so many things to do.However, I'm loving it.Not the pressure but I love the whole studying thing.
It keeps me occupied from thinking other things and trying to save the world, and all that.
Learning to be selfish, is harder than I thought.
Pink
Dear Mr. President
Come take a walk with me
Let's pretend we're just two people and
You're not better than me
I'd like to ask you some questions if we can speak honestly
What do you feel when you see all the homeless on the street
Who do you pray for at night before you go to sleep
What do you feel when you look in the mirror
Are you proud
How do you sleep while the rest of us cry
How do you dream when a mother has no chance to say goodbye
How do you walk with your head held high
Can you even look me in the eye
And tell me why
There's a lot on my mind right now.Not just academic stuff.Lots of emotions running wild.I got to set things straight.I need to talk to someone and tell them things.They have the rights to know.
No one said teenage was easy;
But they didn't say it would be a jungle!
Why aren't I surprised?

Labels: Class, Decisions, Divya, English, Maths, Rosma, Stress

Tuesday, 5 January 2010,18:40 | comment | 0 comment(s)

I Survived The First Day Back;

It was only the first day back.And I feel like I've been slogging away for months.It wasn't as bad as I expected.Yes, the flooding number of innocent, new faces of the sec1s was overwhelming.But seeing the familiar, badass types of my seniors was even more comforting.Haha.Divya was busy with her council duties so slacked the first half of the day with Mariyah.We both were bored out of our wits.Almost fell asleep.
Divya came back for recess.Recess was a quiet affair.Then, the briefing stretched till the end of the school day.It's a confusing timetable and I got to move around only for two subjects.So isn't that bad.Besides, Divya is in every single one of my classes.Thank you, lord!
I've got a pretty nice bunch of teachers.I know Sec3 I've got to really mug it out.Is that why the first day itself feels so rough?
Ouh what the hell.
There's rehearsal for the concert, tomorrow after school.I think I'm going to need every possible amount of sleep I can get.Mind you, I slept at 1930hrs yesterday, yet I'm dead tired.
A Beautiful Beginning
In my shoes, just to see;
What it's like, to be me;
I'll be you, let's trade shoes;
Just to see what I'd be like to;
Feel your pain, you feel mine;
Go inside each other's mind;
Just to see what we find;
Look at shit through each other's eyes;

I'm suppose to be doing my homework right now.Don't worry, my school isn't that mean.It was holiday homework.I'm just a very responsible procrastinator.I still have two book reviews and I got to find someone to print it out for me.

Ouh, the joy.

Still very very extremely obsessed with Kiowa Gordon;

Labels: Class, Divya, First day, Kiowa Gordon, School, Sec 3

Monday, 4 January 2010,20:55 | comment | 0 comment(s)

This Is War

The last day of the extended holidays... Last day of hiding at home.
From whatever that is going to attack me, that is;
I'm uber excited, and I don't know how many more times I'll say it before I actually wear the word out.Just plain excited.Whoopee.I have yet to pack my things.But I don't think it will take very long.Oh and rest assured, I'll be sleeping damn early.I didn't get much sleep last night, what with my sister's weird sleeping positions.
A new year, a so-called new beginning
We watch the season pull up its own stakes;
And catch the last weekend of the last week;
Before the gold and the glimmer have been replaced;
Another sun soaked season fades away;
That's the lyrics to Stolen by Dashboard Confessional.I've a sudden interest in this band.They're music is very quiet and darn meaningful, if you really listen to the lyrics.My new favourite and a chart topper is, Belle Of The Boulevard.Hehs.I feel like it should be my theme song for this year.Or at least till the term ends.
I'd like to think that as has born the new year, I've become a brand new person too.But that's a bit too far-fetched.I can't fanthom not continuing what I have molded myself into these past fourteen years.I have learnt plenty and they are an added bonus.However, I'm still keeping my defiant, don't-mess-with attitude.It helps with being persuasive.Heh.
I'm about to pursue 2hrs of studying.I'm not sure I'll last.So as a last desperate measure, I'm going to add caffeine into my blood.
Chorus of Belle Of The Boulevard; From Alter The Ending
Don’t turn away;
Dry your eyes, dry your eyes;
Don’t be afraid;
Keep it all inside, all inside;
When you fall apart;
Dry your eyes, dry your eyes;
Life is always hard for the belle of the boulevard;

don't be afraid;

Labels: Changes, Dashboard Confessional, New Year, School, Songs

Sunday, 3 January 2010,12:36 | comment | 0 comment(s)

God Willing;

Helloooo!

I'm back.Meaning the regularly updating, all day in the mood to blog me, is back.The break was long deserved I think.But anyways, I'm here now.

I'm really excited to get to school but at the same time, there's this awkward foreboding feeling that creeps up.Most of us know our class, and like me, they don't exactly love how and where they are placed.Still.It's just the fact that school is back in action that comforts me the most.As weird as that is.

I spent half the night watching the television.I watched 'Wanted'.Most would say the movie is crap.But I thought it wasn't that bad.Especially cuz of Angelina Jolie and James McAvoy's acting.And I loved the whole slow effect thingy.lol.Now I'm trying to figure out how to curve a bullet.Hehs.So after boredom took me over, I switched to mtv.And all of a sudden I'm liking all these rock and metal music, I kinda didn't give a damn before.Something whacky is happening to my brain.But it's music.So nuff said.

Today will be the last day of sleeping late.Of cuz, I can't be stopped if I wanted to sleep late during the school days.However, due to previous sleep deprived consequences, I have decided against it.Oh and my story is on pause as always.I've got lots to wrap my head around and my fantasy world can wait.Somehow I think 2010 will still hold drama, but God willing, to the bare minimum.Whatever it is, I'll manage.

Divya's in my class and I'm damn glad about that fact.I don't really know who else is.But for now, and forever, Divya is enough.She keeps me sane.And she knows that.I've missed her much this holidays.The holidays had Akka, Charm, the 5 in unison, Bro in it... Divya is for the times I'm attacked by a supernatural magnet called drama.Woots.

Saturday, 2 January 2010,21:20 | comment | 0 comment(s)

New Year

So it is 2010.

A new year, and as follows my hope for a better year.

Last year was fun and fantastic in its own ways, but living in the past is dumb.So am here to focus on th present; the future.The school has derived a new class system.Everyone is mixed up and honestly, I'm not happy with the class I am in.But what the hell, I'll live with what I get.

Yesterday, was damn shiok.Family countdown was awesome.Cousins and I danced like crazy.We even tried to dance like Michael Jackson.It was damn funny cuz we didn't do a very good job.Haha.School will be starting on the 4th, which is only about 2-3 days away.I've mixed feelings about the first week of school.But since we have rehearsals for upcoming concert, I do know it's going to be real hectic.

Currently obsessed with Kiowa Gordon.That's one fine looking dude.Heh.

I'm going to be fifteen this year and even taking an O level paper.More responsibilities and things.Making the right choice is going to be tougher than ever.But I'll deal with it.We'll deal with it.

We'll make it.We always do, in the end.

Happy New Year, guys!

Friday, 1 January 2010,21:04 | comment | 0 comment(s)